During those times when I have to spend long hours working on the computer, I will often listen to music in the background as a distraction from the sound of the keyboard tapping. However, when I first heard the song Break Even by the Script, I had to stop. The lyrics and hearing the artist having to sing them made my heart hurt. This is not a metaphor…I physically felt pain for whoever went through the experiences detailed in this song.
As I hear the song again and again, I think that this pain stems from the author’s feeling of despair:
- I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
- What am I supposed to do?
- I’m falling to pieces…
The lyrics make it very clear that this despair is a direct result from a broken relationship. What is less clear are the reasons why behind the break. We do not know if this is a relationship that should have been repaired or if it was best to be replaced as described in the song (exactly what Lee is talking about this Sunday). What we do know is that when relationships are not healthy then there are consequences (a heart breaking) and hurt.
What is even scarier to me is not only this feeling of hurt and despair (just utter brokenness), but that the author has no hope to be able to get through it at all. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I understand that when my heart breaks (I experience a trial), I ultimately place my hope in the fact that a loving Father (God) will provide me with perseverance, character, and faith to know that I am not helpless and I can be reconciled (first and foremost to Him) - Romans 5:3-11. The author, in a desperate attempt to regain some form of hope, in his inherent desire to be complete again, even knows to pray to God (although he does not believe in Him).
I think that there is a desire in all of us to be reconciled…reconciled to each other and to God. And here is the thing…God wants to be reconciled to us! Just like Paul lays out for us in Romans 5:11, we have the opportunity to ‘exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.’ Jesus has provided us with the pattern for reconciliation and how to love and care for all those involved (just like Lee is teaching us through this entire series).
I often think of what I would say to the writer going through this situation. But this is what I have to remember, no matter how matter how truthful and ‘wise’ I know Paul’s words to be in Romans they are not going to stop the bleeding and pain that the writer feels. He is grieving…hard…immeasurably hard. As a follower of Christ, what am I supposed to do…what I am supposed to say?!?!?!
Maybe nothing at first…maybe I am supposed to ‘feel’ with him. Maybe I should be patient with him…kind with him…not pointing out the things that he should have done (keeping score). In short, maybe I should love him like God told me to. Maybe this would somehow give him a glimpse of what true, perfect, unconditional love from God could be. Maybe then he could see that the healing and completeness that he so truly desires can come from a God that he ‘don’t believe in.’ Maybe then, I can explain to him where his hope can come from…and I know just the words to use…God’s.