Music has always been central in my life. Music was an escape for me. A lot of standout moments in my earlier years have a song attached to it, whether it was the Beach Boys or Mozart, or the first time I heard heavy metal. I have a playlist for just about everything and those lists range from punk to classical to country. I have songs for jamming in my car, songs for spring cleaning, songs for when I’m happy and songs for when I want to wallow for a while. Most of the important people in my life have or have had a song that was “theirs”. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 days or 5 years since I’ve seen them, when I hear that song, I think of them. Most major decisions in my life have a song attached to it. It was usually what I heard when I made the decision and most of the time it was because what the song was saying influenced that decision. It’s not that I let songs dictate what my choice will be, but rather I always felt like it came on at that precise moment to send me a “message”.
For a long time, I thought it was “the cosmos” or whatever. Later, when I’d come back to God, I knew it was him. For some people, they hear him directly, maybe when they are praying, maybe in some other way. For some people, thick headed like me, he has to use another way to get his message across. Sometimes it’s that perfectly timed email or phone call, but most of the time, for me, it’s in music. When I need help or guidance, when I need consoling, when I need to be inspired or sometimes when I’m trying to figure out which path to take. Some may call it coincidence or say I’m looking for meaning. That’s fine. I know what I know. This past Sunday was a key example of it. This last month has been pretty rough. Trying to battle this odd medical thing with different experimental solutions, hoping one would work. Then, getting into an accident which could have been much worse, but still left its mark. The accident bringing to light a credit issue that popped up we were unaware of that would affect us being able to close on our house. Then facing unexpected dental bills… Just one thing after another after another. We’ve worked so hard to get where we are trying to get. We hadn’t begun building yet and with several things happening to stack the cards against us, we wondered if maybe we weren’t just supposed to stay put for now. It’s not what we “want” and to stay put and not try to go ahead with the house felt like giving up. Was that what we were supposed to do? Or should we keep facing these obstacles with a blind trust that it will all work out somehow?
And to add insult to injury, we see all these people who are just not good people who keep getting ahead. Taking nice vacations, having the nice new clothes, driving the fancy cars and getting the house you dream of, whose kids have no health problems that need constant attention. It’s deflating. And sometimes it makes you wonder, what’s the point of being good if it doesn’t get you anything?! If you can be a complete @#$ and get ahead, why shouldn’t I? I know it’s because I’m not just looking at the here and now and that the rewards I’m really aiming for are in a life beyond this one. I mean, we all know the answer in our hearts but sometimes, it’s hard to hear your heart when the petty voice in your head is screaming so loudly.
So all of this has been in my head constantly for several weeks. I was going to write a note to hang on the prayer wall because I really was just starting to feel a little lost in it all. And then we sat down for Quest and “the song” came on. Always a song. It’s not just my imagination or me trying to make something into something else. God really does use music to get his message across because he knows I’m more likely to be paying attention and hear it. The band begins to play “Holding onto Hope”. I’ve never heard this song before but instantly I feel the warmth spreading through me. I put my hand out at the same moment as my husband and I know he’s getting the message too. A gentle squeeze of the hand, a soft smile and a chuckle. It was an answer to everything I’d been asking. About people getting things the wrong way, about feeling the despair and about holding on through it. There is a purpose for it.
We still haven’t figured out what are next move should be in all this. We’ve put that decision off for a couple weeks. What is supposed to happen will happen when it’s supposed to happen. The weight was lifted though. In one short song, we became centered again. It shut up the voice in our heads that was trying to lead us wrong.
Whoever chose that song may not even be able to say why they decided to play “that song”. But I know. It was for me, for us. It was an answer to a prayer I hadn’t even asked yet. It wasn’t even a definitive answer of “do this” or “no, do that”. It was simply, “child, I know your struggle and I have a
plan for you. I have not given up on you, do not allow the rest to come between us.
Keep the faith and I promise all will be revealed.” Yes, I got all of that out of one simple song. Hold on to Hope.
It’s been my theme song this week. Whenever I’ve been dealing with whatever thi
ng that’s getting me down, I play that in my head and it instantly lifts me.
It's funny, I didn't understand at first why they did things the way they did. The pastor had said they don't play what you normally hear or repeat much because when you hear something so many times, you listen but you tend not to "hear" it anymore. He was right. If they played what most places did and stuck to a smaller general set, I would know the words or read from a book and be able to sing along like I did at every other church before. But if they did, I would probably have missed the message I so obvi
ously needed that day. The band at church works really hard and I know they wonder if they are doing a good job or if they are reaching people. They do and they are.
- Andrea Price